I want Taco Bell, bean burrito NOW!!

If I eat one more bowl of cottage cheese and yogurt, one more scrambled fluffy egg, one more portion of mashed potato, I am going to puke.

Next time I go downtown I am ordering Bean Burrito Grande (oh right, they don't have that one anymore) Well, then I am ordering bean burrito extra cheese, no onions. I want the onions but I am pretty sure my throat does not. And I will choke it down with however much water it takes.

I am still missing my big dog. My husband did not cry when she died. But he looked like a heart attack waiting to happen while he and my son were digging her grave.
Origially we would have gotten her cremated for burial. So, I asked my husband to stop digging and let me help. He says, "If I have a heart attack just dump me in here with Girl" And with that we all stopped sobbing and laughed hyterically. It was me, my husband, my son and his wife. Everyone who ever met Girl fell in love with her. We would go camping and because she was such a huge dog I would keep her away from children just in case. But sometimes one would surprise us popping out of a trail and she would lovingly enjoy them petting her. The only thing that got her agitated was the UPS truck. We don't know why. But since she roamed the streets at three or four months we think something happened between her and the UPS driver. She would lay her head on your knee and stare up at you with all her soul in her brown eyes. She used this to her advantage if you were eating a cookie. Heck if you were eating a pretzel. If dogs can come back to us, I hope she finds me.

Ok, its time to start the husband's dinner. It feels weird to fix his dinner when I have to eat soup or a baked potato. I watched this fantastic documentary on MSNBC called In My Mother's Garden. I loved her film so much I added her as a contact on my Facebook. She must think I am a stalker. The film was about her mother's bi-polar illness and hoarding. I need HBO so I can see all these documentaries and not have to find them for free online. Ok, now I really have to start dinner. When I win the lottery I am hiring a cook. And I am also going to go to David Letterman's publicist and get them to let me buy the whole audience orders from Taco Bell, and the crew. Have them delivered during the show and freak Dave's freak. You just know he will say, "Where's my taco bell order?"

Thanks Deeol and Mama D

For your comments. ( Every sixty seceonds someone somewhere is switching to Temporpedic mattress) That was the commercial that just played. But what my husband repeated was, Every sixty seconds someone somewhere is having sex) Now you know a bit about my husband and where his mind lies. Ha Ha Ha.

I think I am getting my wicked sense of humor back. And it makes me happy. Trying to think what new photograph I can put up; Oh I just might attach strange bedmates, (not what you might think) Now for breakfast I am eating soggy raisin bran, with banana, a cup of coffee and 4oz of carnation drink. But I want waffles or eggs bacon and grits and toast. I don't know how much people know about the salivary glands but without them your appetite, your food choices and your speaking ability sucks big time. I get in to huge arguments with my radiologist. He says, I told you all this, you just have selective hearing. Right. But at least I have my sick sense of humor back. And I don't have to see his face as often. I count those as pluses. If his treatment has given me 15 more years then I love him. If his treatment was totally unnecessary then I would like to stomp on him.

We have to go down to Pensacola and babysit our new grandbaby in Sept because the parents are going to Hawaii for a week. This could be interesting. Also my big dog Girl is failing. Just like real human doctors he cannot get a diagnosis. Ha ha She is on Prednisone but not enough. We want him to let her have the limit, just as much as her body can stand a day. What does it matter as she is dying anyway. It's either that or euthanize her now. But when on 1 tablet a day, she breathes fine. Why not just let her go out on Prednisone. Screw the cost. Excuse my language but when it's my dog I get angry.

I am trying to wean myself off of a liquid diet. I am pretty sure on my next doctor visit I will weight close to 120. (did I ever weight that?) But it's all on my thighs and butt. And my butt looks like a wrinkled elephant butt from the 40 pound weight loss. Losing weight too fast can leave you with permanent elephant butt. If I win the lottery I am getting a butt lift Ok, TMI. Bye all.

Too many chiefs

I have too many doctors. Now I have to get a stress test. I find that name hysterical. My middle name is stress. Before my surgery last year my EKG was abnormal. But i seem to remember all my EKG's have been like that. It is probably just Brachcardia but now he wants me to get a Thallium stress test. Really Obama has to stop these unnecessary tests. It's just because I have met my deductible. It means dye in my vein. I don't want that again.

I took a fantastic photograph of the male hummingbird yesterday. I am loving my Canon rebel camera. I even started reading the manual. My husband is cleaning up the house. He cleaned off his desk so I had to clean out in front of my closet. My cousin Pam keeps sending me size 8 clothes that she can no longer wear. I wish she would quit because I am running out of room. I might have to open up a clothes closet store. So her boxes were sitting in front of our bedroom closets. I had my grandmothers antique Decon bench over at my mother's house where my daughter is temporarily living ( I hope temporarily) and it is fragile. Well, they let the kids sit on it and now a leg broke. My husband moved it back over here and repaired it. You can't even see it. So, I had to clean a space to put it in front of our bedroom closets.

I am wondering how well I will do on a 15 minute up hill treadmill for this heart test. (since i just had radiation treatment just three months ago) I sure don't want that injection that does the stress on the heart for you. I am beginning to hate all doctors. Ralph says I need to stop talking to the doctors and quit going to them just because they say so. i am beginning to think he is right and I am turning into my mother. I am ready for Fall. I hope September is cooler. This is about it.

Blogger has some issues

Still Monday and now I have the proper editing tools. I don't know what the heck happened but my page I was posting
on had no icon for adding an image. Let me see what new photographs I have in my files. I don't have as many on
my apple laptop but I do have some.

It's Monday. Again!!!

Why should i care if it's Monday. I don't work anymore. I think it's a hold over from when I did work. It's grey out and looks like it needs to rain. And the humidity is unbelievable.
Wait, I think I hear rainbdrops. Something has happened to Bloggers. It did not give me my homepage when I logged in. I am back over 110 pounds and trying very hard to drink
four cans of 560 calorie drink per dau. Five would be better as that would put me over 2,000 calories a day. I can't seem to get much other food in while drinking these. I also
ad scoops of ice cream to them twice a day which makes like a very yucky float. The only float I ever liked was root beer floats. Root beer was just made for ice cream.
Tomorrow is my husbands official last day of working, forever. He was trying to explain to me all his cds, 401 k, and such. I said, I have no idea how to handle any of this
so you better be careful while driving. I don't. If anything were to happen to him I would freak out. The only thing I know is how to get my hands on his life insurance. I guess
that would keep me going until I figured out where everything else was. I never worried about these things before. I think women should know all this stuff. It should
be written down some where. In some marriages like my son, his wife knows all that. She does all the saving and finances. He is clueless. I have never balanced a check
book in my life. But I am better at reading gov. lingo. One year I read our IRS forms and found Ralph more than 200 dollars in refunds. He just does not understand lawyer
talk. When my husbands mother passed away she left no life insurance. He had to pay off her debts and did not get paid back until her house sold. I think everyone should
have at least a burial policy and something to pay what they owe. Why should you saddle your children with your debts. My Mother and Father had no life insurance. But they
had plenty of money and no debts.

My 42 wedding anniversary is Wednesday and we are going to see the Harry Potter movie. I will have to sneak in bottled water in my purse as I can't drink soda,
I have a dry mouth, I don't want to miss anything in a coughing fit. I hope I don't get caught with smuggled water.

I am so glad my husband will be home from now on. I have found lately that I like him hanging around the place. He keeps house better than I do. But I can
cook and he can't hardly boil water. He knows how to make a grilled cheese and open a can of soup or beans. That is about it.

Ok, there will be no new photographs for today. It's grey out and no good lighting. Lets see what I can find in my files. Be good.

Almost seven weeks past treatment

Sorry I have been AWOL but when you come home from seven weeks of radiation you pretty much just take pain meds and sleep a lot and try to eat. I now weigh 110 pounds. Did I ever weigh 110 pounds. Maybe when I was ten. My husband says, "Where did your boobs go too?" I said, they're there down around my waist with those droopy raisin bits." Ok, Ok, TMI TMI. But really, when I get up the nerve I am
going to tell my sweet Dr. Trotti at Moffits (the man with 40 years experience in head and neck cases) that radiation as a cure is medieval torture and should be banned. And as soon as I get discharged I am finding an eastern doctor who uses nasty herbal concoctions and stick hot needles in me. It would be preferable to lying flat on a plastic tray and having a hard plastic mask that looks like a knights
armor shoved down on you and locked into place. Then roll you into the machine. And they will not stop the process unless you are, well, I never found out what would make them stop. But it's over. I got through 35 treatments and never threw up once.
Thank god for xanax. No wonder half the world keeps it in their back pocket. And then that was the first drug they took away from me. I said, "Hey, how about weaning me off of it slowly.? They said, No, its not addictive you don't need it now. I am going to get my family doctors nurse to reinstate it. I sure as hell need it.

I have no appetite. I can only eat comfortably cream of wheat, chicken noodle soup
and soft boiled eggs. Try that for seven weeks and see how fast you feel nauseous
just thinking about it. I just made homemade baked custard like my grandmother used to do, hot water bath and all. I ate one tonight and I felt my grandma put her hand on me. No wonder she gave these to us when we were sick. So, I have added that to my other three meals. I made my first meal for the family while my cousin Pam was here helping to take care of me. I made my homemade apple pie. I tasted it. It tasted like crap. But everyone said it was the best one ever. That's the worst part. Nothing tastes right. But I am just happy to have my coffee tasting like coffee again instead of motoroil. I wish I had Greg's phone number. He was in treatment with me. His started on his tongue and spread. He had chemo first and radiation. And he cheated and saw a chinese doctor on the weekends when he went home. And it helped him get through the treatment. But, it could have diminished
his radiation also. It's a trade off. But really, I have had it with the amerian medical profession. I am going totally easter medicine. Yoga, the whole bit. I have no fat on my entire body, just a lot of wrinkly loose flesh. I went from a size
14 to a 5 in seven weeks. And want to scream at Dr. Trotti but he is so demure
and sweet and nerdy. I just can't do it. But I swear this next checkup he is not
getting out of that room until I get some answers to all my questions. Otherwise
amid all my complaints he just looks in my throat and says, Right on schedule and
then he rushes out the door. So, here is how I look now. I used a ton of makeup
and smiled big. I have no cheeks, none on my butt either. And the latest pic of my grandbaby Felicity. Due to my illness I have only seen her at 1 week old and now she is seven months old. Life can be so cruel.

I'm Still Here

Hi all. I am at Moffits Cancer Center in Tampa Monday thru Friday and only home on the weekends. Getting Tomo Therapy radiation for seven weeks. I am on week five. And in severe pain that even pain meds does not touch. Just wanted to reach out and let you know. I'm almost done. Hair has thinned out, throat is raw, I gag a lot. If any of you out there smoke, quit. I never smoked or drank much, go figure.
Must be Karma getting even with me. Happy Easter to you all. Its cream of chicken soup for me. And oxycontin and xanax for dessert. Joy.. be good. That updated photo I took of myself in our apartment at the Hope Lodge in Tampa That is where we are staying for seven weeks Later.