Almost seven weeks past treatment

Sorry I have been AWOL but when you come home from seven weeks of radiation you pretty much just take pain meds and sleep a lot and try to eat. I now weigh 110 pounds. Did I ever weigh 110 pounds. Maybe when I was ten. My husband says, "Where did your boobs go too?" I said, they're there down around my waist with those droopy raisin bits." Ok, Ok, TMI TMI. But really, when I get up the nerve I am
going to tell my sweet Dr. Trotti at Moffits (the man with 40 years experience in head and neck cases) that radiation as a cure is medieval torture and should be banned. And as soon as I get discharged I am finding an eastern doctor who uses nasty herbal concoctions and stick hot needles in me. It would be preferable to lying flat on a plastic tray and having a hard plastic mask that looks like a knights
armor shoved down on you and locked into place. Then roll you into the machine. And they will not stop the process unless you are, well, I never found out what would make them stop. But it's over. I got through 35 treatments and never threw up once.
Thank god for xanax. No wonder half the world keeps it in their back pocket. And then that was the first drug they took away from me. I said, "Hey, how about weaning me off of it slowly.? They said, No, its not addictive you don't need it now. I am going to get my family doctors nurse to reinstate it. I sure as hell need it.

I have no appetite. I can only eat comfortably cream of wheat, chicken noodle soup
and soft boiled eggs. Try that for seven weeks and see how fast you feel nauseous
just thinking about it. I just made homemade baked custard like my grandmother used to do, hot water bath and all. I ate one tonight and I felt my grandma put her hand on me. No wonder she gave these to us when we were sick. So, I have added that to my other three meals. I made my first meal for the family while my cousin Pam was here helping to take care of me. I made my homemade apple pie. I tasted it. It tasted like crap. But everyone said it was the best one ever. That's the worst part. Nothing tastes right. But I am just happy to have my coffee tasting like coffee again instead of motoroil. I wish I had Greg's phone number. He was in treatment with me. His started on his tongue and spread. He had chemo first and radiation. And he cheated and saw a chinese doctor on the weekends when he went home. And it helped him get through the treatment. But, it could have diminished
his radiation also. It's a trade off. But really, I have had it with the amerian medical profession. I am going totally easter medicine. Yoga, the whole bit. I have no fat on my entire body, just a lot of wrinkly loose flesh. I went from a size
14 to a 5 in seven weeks. And want to scream at Dr. Trotti but he is so demure
and sweet and nerdy. I just can't do it. But I swear this next checkup he is not
getting out of that room until I get some answers to all my questions. Otherwise
amid all my complaints he just looks in my throat and says, Right on schedule and
then he rushes out the door. So, here is how I look now. I used a ton of makeup
and smiled big. I have no cheeks, none on my butt either. And the latest pic of my grandbaby Felicity. Due to my illness I have only seen her at 1 week old and now she is seven months old. Life can be so cruel.